Too close but not near enough
by Fallon
Summary: My first Tamer story. Ruki and her thought's on Lee. Jenruki/Leeruki For San-chan


Too close but not near enough

By: Fallon-chan

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An: My first Tamers fic. Obviously most fan pair Ruki up with Takato (me included) but it's nice to step in forbidden territory once in awhile. The only problem I find with writing this fic is the fact I stopped watching Digimon months ago, before the Chinese Zodiac Digimon Thingies Episodes aired. I just got bored with Saturday morning cartoons, getting up early, and fighting my family for the remote.

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For: San-chan, my favorite C.W.A agent. ^-^

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Disclaimers: Digimon Tamers belongs to Toei but I'm quite sure San-chan has Lee hidden away some where...

Sorry that I have no Beta-reader for this seeing how San-chan is my beta-reader and I want to surprise her with this story. Make do with my spelling and grammar.

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"We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we're not extending in the present."- Marianne Williamson, _A Return to Love (HarperCollins)_

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Makino Ruki sat up in the branches of a plum tree. Here she could pretend she didn't exist. She didn't have to answer to the world or for anything she did. The tree never gave her any grief and could care less about that look on his face. 

The look, how she wanted to forget it. But his face and expressions had a way of lingering in her mind even days after she seen him. They haunted her like echoes of the past. Ones she wished to forget. 

So Ruki sat in the plum tree in her pajamas up high looking at the stars. She could make out constellations but had long forgotten their names. It didn't matter anyhow. Stars where the symbols for dreamers in her mind. They wanted the stars but would probably never have them. But still they dreamed of them. Ruki was not a dreamer she was a realist. 

She didn't need things of the sort. She lived in the real world not some fantasy world where everything was perfect and everyone got along. No matter how friendly of a thought it might have been. Dreamers usually got nowhere but her kind did almost always. 

She wasn't sure where she wanted to go in life but she was certain it was away from where she was now. Maybe she would leave Japan altogether. Ruki forced herself to push the thought from her mind. That was dreaming. She didn't need dreams. 

He was probably a dreamer. One more reason not to like him. She didn't need friends that dreamed of things they didn't need or couldn't have. She didn't need any friends at all. If Renamon left then that was it. It would prove friendship was nothing and could easily be broken as fast as some made them. 

Ruki could have cared less about having friends. She had gotten along fine without them why start now. Yes, it was true she had Renamon. She had discovered how much she cared about her Digimon partner when she came close to losing her. But that was it. Renamon was her partner it was a different sort of friendship then he wanted.

Not that she cared what he wanted. He was an idiot. Truthfully, she thought he would have been smart enough to figure out that she didn't want his friendship or need it otherwise. Forget him and the others too. 

All they're brainless chatter and laughing. He was right along in there with them. As for his Tamer abilities she wasn't sure whether she should laugh or not. He had discovered how to make his Digimon evolved faster then she had and at first he hadn't even want it. 

She really didn't know what to think about him some times. How foolish he was. He just wouldn't give up on anything. He wanted them all to be friends, which truly meant he wanted _her _to be everyone's friend. Tough luck there.

They would just end up hurting her like _everyone _else. Everyone always did. They didn't understand her and never would. Why accept anyone? Why let anyone past her defenses? She had built a wall between her and the world for a purpose and she intended on keeping her wall up. Nothing was going to make her wall come tumbling down, certainly not he. 

Ruki raked her red hair away from her eyes as she plucked one of the blossoms from the tree. The brilliant pink blossom in her hand irritated her. She threw it down and it landed in a patch of snow. Still it's color looked back to her. It was too bright, too cheerful. She hated it at the moment because it was everything she was not. So why was she in this tree in the first place? Out of all the trees in the world to sit in, why this one? 

'Because he doesn't like plum blossoms'

Ruki laughed at the thought. Her voice ringing out into the night. She was up in the tree because he preferred cherry blossoms to plum blossoms. So he said. But didn't everyone? Personally she preferred peach blossoms but the plum blossoms were nice she supposed. But she wasn't in the tree for the flower in that sense. 

The upset look on his face was beginning to fade as she sat in the tree. She figured she could push the thought of him away if she was near to something he disliked. So far so good. 

Why didn't he like plum blossoms? _So much for that idea._

It annoyed her. What was wrong with them? They were beautiful especially in the snow. So why dislike them so much? 

Not that she cared really. She plucked another blossoms from the tree branch and fount it just as bothersome and went to toss it as well but stop. Why was she irritated with the blooms anyhow? 

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'Because he doesn't like plum blossoms, silly.'

She pressed her lips tightly together trying to think of any other reason. There had to be one but she fount none. Ruki brought the blossoms close to her chest, handling it gently, hoping not to crush the petals any more then they were. She decided it was best not to throw it after all.

'Are you scared of us, Ruki?'

Of course she wasn't scared of them. What a dumb thing for him to ask. She wasn't scared of anyone, not them and especially not him. Ruki had been scared of _things_ when she was younger but never a person. 

'Why build a wall then Ruki?' 

Because she wanted too!

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'Would it kill you to let us be your friends.'

No, but she didn't need anyone's friendship but Renamon. She was all that mattered.

'I just want to us to be friends, Ruki.'

But she didn't want his friendship nor need it.

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'Please?'

No. That one word seemed to hurt him. Too much. Would she be able to forget the look in his eyes as she yelled it? 

Ruki laughed once more. Why did it even matter if she hurt him or not. She was constantly yelling at the goggle head why should it matter if she yelled at him. Was it because deep down she was sorry for being cruel?

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Cruel? No, Ruki hadn't been cruel to him. She had just been herself. As many times as they met (which was plenty now) she assumed he would have caught on by now. If she had been callus towards him that was how she acted towards everyone.

Maybe that did not make her the proudest person in the world but that was the way things were. She wasn't going to change and no one was going to make her. Certainly not him. He would just have to give up on her. Ruki was not going to change her mind at anytime. Life had made her the way she was and it probably expect her to remain in such a state. So he would just have to give up all the friendship nonsense.

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'But do I want him to stop.'

Was it possible, even if it was slight, that she wanted him to be near her even if she always felt he was too close for comforter? 

No. She would not think about it. Not now, at any time would she think about something ridiculous as that. But what if it was true? What would she do then? All she had ever done since they meet was push him away. Further and further. But by some twist of fate he had always seemed to find his way back to her. No matter what she said or did he was always there waiting for the next round of insults. Looking at her like she had never been looked at before.

She wished he wouldn't look at her like that. Like he understood her. He didn't and he couldn't. Ruki had made up her mind that the only one capable of understanding her was Renamon. He didn't and she wouldn't _allow _him to either!

What would be the point? He hurt her. She knew he would. Just like everyone else she had let pass her defense. He'd make her cry and she hated crying. Crying meant you gave in, you had become weak and given into useless emotions. She would not be weak. He could look at her all he wanted; she would just look the other way. It always made things easier when he was near.

Ruki groaned in frustration. She didn't like where her thoughts were headed. Most thoughts are pointless, rambles if you please, she could only hope her thought fell under the same condition. 

Maybe she was sick. That would have helped the matter. If she had a fever she could blame her traitorous thoughts on it. How had she even gotten to this point? Was it the blossoms or the stars that he let her to these pointless ideas?

Ruki sighed and lift her head back towards the stars, her loose hair flying a bit behind her. Perhaps the stars weren't as bad as she thought. They were beautiful. 

"He was looking up at the stars too." 

Ruki, startled, looked to her left and fount Renamon on the fence around her yard. 

"Renamon, where have you been?" Ruki snapped sleepily, she should have been in bed hours ago.

"You should be in bed." Renamon suggested pointed towards Ruki's room avoiding her question just as Ruki chose to avoid _who_ had been looking at the stars as well.

"I'm fine, just leave me alone for now." Ruki told her digimon partner. She was in no mood for chatting. Her thoughts were congested and she was going to unscramble them even if she was afraid of the answer.

Silence once again was brought forth and Ruki lingered in her thoughts longer. She wasn't pleased with them either. She was not accepting them like she had done most things in life. She was not taking that she liked him more then she let on for an answer. Not if she could help it. Because Ruki did not like him as a friend how could she possibly like him _more_ then that?

"Ruki?" Renamon inquired after a half hour of silence between them.

"What is it, Renamon?" Ruki retorted, angered at the whole world at the moment.

"Lee gave me a note to give to you." 

"You went and saw Lee, is that where you've been?" Ruki demanded to know, climbing out of the tree hastily so she could clearly glare at her digimon. Her bare toes chilled by the scattered snow on the ground.

"No, I went for a walk and he _fount _me." Renamon answered coolly and calmly. 

" Do you still have the note for me then?" Ruki asked suddenly curious not caring if Renamon was telling the truth or not.

Renamon leaped down from the wall and landed gracefully in front of her partner. She opened her left paw to revile a fold sheet of paper in her palm. She paid close attention but say nothing as Ruki's quivering hand lifted the note up and unfolded it. 

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Dear Ruki,

I know you think you bitter words can make a difference on the people around you. You think they push us away and hurt us. It's true that they hurt us but we soon get over that but you will never successful push away those who want to really and truthfully be near you. I'm not sure why you don't like the others or myself. We like you no matter how much you loathe the thought of us. Maybe you do like us and won't admit it. It's not my place to pry on the subject. Just know this Ruki, whether you may hate me or actually want my friendship and just won't admit it, you can't get rid of me. I'm always going to be there. I'll make you accept my friendship one way or another. I'm a very persisted boy or so I'm told.

-Lee 

PS: Just so you know I think you look cute when you raving mad with me. But just when your angry with me. Maybe you shouldn't yell at me and I won't think thoughts like this.

PSS: Terriermon agrees with me.

PPS: He also says hello and to tell you we'll see you and Renamon after school tomorrow. 

Ruki laughed. His determination was something else. She would let the cute remark slid for now. 

"What did he write?" Renamon asked inquisitively at Ruki's laughter.

"Nothing much." Ruki replied handing the note back to the digimon.

Renamon quickly read the letter and smiled. 

"What?" Ruki asked rubbing her sleepy eyes.

"He thinks you're cute." Renamon respond it, her eyes looking happily down at her partner who appeared happy herself.

"Only when I'm mad at him." Ruki corrected walking back in her room, deciding it was time for bed.

"You're always mad at him." Renamon said now correcting Ruki.

"So I am." Ruki mumbled as she laid her head down on her pillow closing her eyes. Now feeling better about the whole mess. Maybe the feelings she was having wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Renamon?"

"What is it Ruki?"

"Would you do me a favor?"

~**~

Lee Jenrya laughed as Renamon left his room at three in the morning. That had certainly been an amusing and strange question. Not something you ask some one so early in the morning. But he was glad that she _had _asked something of him when he thought that she wanted _nothing_ to do with him. He never thought Ruki would send Renamon to ask him anything. Especially not that. He decided he would not mention it to Takato. It would become a private joke or thought (he still wasn't sure if she was serious or not) between just Ruki, Renamon, and himself. It would have included Terriermon but he had been asleep when Renamon had arrived. But really it was such a silly question to ask him at this time of day. She could have just asked him tomorrow. He had already made sure he had time to meet her after school. Lee smiled at the thought of seeing her again. She would probably still be intensely mad with him. He didn't care. Like he had written he thought she was cute when she got mad at him. He decided that was something else he would not tell Takato. He just wouldn't understand it. He would have preferred it if she had asked him herself. The question that is. He personally wanted to see the look on her face when she discovered the reason he didn't like plum blossoms was because she had said she didn't like them herself once before. 

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An: Okay I know this isn't much of a "romance" story but cut me some slack. This is my first Tamer fic not to mention the fact that I'm rusty on the whole series. Plus they're ten years old! Do hope you enjoyed it. Just so you know San-chan I realized what "Jenruki" was after I e-mailed you on the subject. I was just use to it being called Leeruki. So there! :P One last thought Lego my Legolas! ^_^

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"Love that is true last forever"- so say my sister's book mark. ^-^


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